KAMAKSHI

KAMAKSHI

Dedicated to My Inspiration.

I remember first meeting her during my cousin's wedding. She was chirpy like a bird. There wasn't a single young boy, whose eyes weren’t caught by her beauty. I had asked Shailesh, my cousin and the bridegroom, “Who is she?" With twinkling eyes, Shailesh had replied, " She is your Bhabhi's best friend Kamakshi."

There was something about Kamakshi, which was unusual. Those brown eyes had some magic, it looked that she spoke from her eyes. One can't capture an expression in her eyes because it changed just like the landscape changes, when you travel via train. Shyly, I asked bhabhi to introduce me to Kamakshi. "This is a big favour you are asking, Mukul. I will make you pay for this," said Bhabhi, jokingly. " Bhabhi, I will be indebt to you, for this favor."

Introduction to Kamakshi was a different story all together.
" Hello, I am Kamakshi."
" Hello, I am ...I am.., " He is Mukul," completed Shailesh.
I don’t know what had happened, somehow my tongue was tied. I was at the loss of words.
" Well, Mukul, Kamakshi is joing the MBA programme in Faculty of Managment Studies. Would you mind helping her?" asked Shailesh.
I was wide eyed at hearing this. I myself was a second year student of MBA programme in Faculty of Managment Studies.
" I heard that you are in FMS too," said Kamakshi.
" Oh! Yes." I just managed to speak.
These words brought a smile on Kamakshi's face. Her face lit up bright.
" I am new to Delhi. It would be nice to have some people around to guide," said Kamakshi.
Well these might have been some ordinary words for any other boy but to me it meant a world.
' TO GUIDE, TO GUIDE' these words, filled my mind and I was ready to guide. ‘To Guide Only her.' So, this was our first meeting and after that many more followed.

In College, though Kamakshi was my junior but as friends that seniority never came to play a role between us. I can’t forget those initial months of the course, when Kamakshi was juggling with the papers, with the city, and an accommodation. But amidst all this, I always wondered, ' How did she manage to look so beautiful.'

It was my duty to pick Kamakshi from her women hostel early in the morning. Then, it was a ritual for us to sit early in the morning at the DSchool canteen and chatter over a cup of coffee.
There was nothing hidden between two of us.
"Hey Mukul, I heard that you are drooling over Shweta these days," said Kamakshi.
" Me and Shweta, that will be the last thing on the earth."
" Don't hide it from me . I saw you last day looking at her legs, when she was wearing that short skirt of hers."
" Hey Kamakshi, you know that Government has not yet taxed seeing beautiful things."
This kind of bonding had developed between me and Kamakshi.
Kamakshi could read every thought that crossed my mind.
Looking at my face, she said, ‘ Don’t worry, Mukul . What you wrote about financial statstics would surely impress the Professor.’
“ Thanks…But wait, How did you know that I am thinking about that?”
“ I am psychic,” said Kamakashi, jokingly
I wished
What I always wondered was, 'Can't she understand that I love her! or she is just acting hard to get!'

”Yes, She can’t understand anything. Her memories are lost.”
“ I want to meet her,” said I.
“It’s of no use but it’s your wish.”
Ten long years had passed, I seemed to walk into the room to bridge up that gap.
I saw Kamakshi, clad in red sari, sitting at the corner of the room. She was looking outside the window, holding a pretty doll in her hands.
I went and sat beside her.
She was so lost that she didn’t notice me. I waited just for her one look. Just like good old days, I was waiting that she would turn around and say , “ Mukul, you scared me! When did you come?”
“ I just came, when you were looking up at the sky and praying to God to give you husband just like me!” I used to tease her.
“ Shut up, Mukul!” she would say, with a smile, which lit my heart.
I hoped that today would be just the same.

It looked as if time has come to standstill, when Kamakshi looked at me. Those eyes which talked had turned to stone.
I curbed the desire of taking her in my arms and making her forget all her sorrows.
I tried to talk to her, " Kamakshi, I hope you haven't forgotten me."
She looked at me with searching eyes.
Kamakshi gave me a blank stare and then threw her doll at me.
" Go away, Go away!” she yelled.
Hearing her cry, the nurse rushed in. “I told you that you shouldn't provoke her. It's a Mental Asylum. How many patients can I look after alone? Leave for now."

With heavy steps, I made my way out of the room. I took a last look at Kamakshi, who was still looking outside the window.
" I need people to guide me." These words again and again questioned me. She chose me to guide her but what I did. Being selfish, I left for America leaving her alone. I was somehow responsible for the fate she has met.

How can I forget the farewell party at the college? It was my last day at the college and I had thought that today I will tell Kamakshi what she means to me. Kamakshi was clad in pink - green silk sari, her hair tied in a braid; and a big round bindi adorned her forehead. She looked charming. I was mesmerized with her beauty. We sat in the auditorium, where the Dean was repeating the same old speech, which he gave every year. Kamakshi sat beside me. I could feel her perfume. The next moment, she looked at me and said, " I can't wait for this speech to get over. Come out, I wanna tell you something."

I didn't have words to say, I just followed her. We were standing alone in the dimly litted lawns, I could feel Kamakshi close to me. I was just waiting for the right moment to tell my feelings. But the moment, I was longing for never arrived.
The next moment, I heard a car stopping near the gates of the lawn. Kamakshi cried with happiness, " Mukul, it looks they have arrived." With these words, she rushed towards the gate and I followed.
I was surprised to see Kamakshi's parents steeping down the car. They weren't alone, they were accompanied by boy of my age and his parents. I was glad to see them all but somewhere I sniffed something wrong. Kamakshi's mother stepped forward and said, "Here meet your would be daughter- in- law, Kamakshi."
I would have laughed at this, if I hadn't seen Kamashi, covering her head with her sari's pallu and touching the old woman's feet. It looked as if the world has turned upside down.
" Mukul, meet Prafful Reddy, our would be son-in-law," said Kamakshi's father, breaking my chain of thoughts.

How could I have forgotten Prafful. Prafful and Kamakshi's family were closely knitted, they were friends and when the parents thought about Kamakshi's marriage, they couldn't think of someone better then Prafful.
" So, Mukul, How is the surprise?" asked Kamakshi, chirply.
If I would have heard this story then I would have categorized it as a Bollywood episode. But sometimes filmy episode do happen in real life.

I couldn't have thought of a life without Kamakshi but now Kamakshi belonged to Prafful. I began hating hating Kamakshi, but Kamakshi didn't change. She considered me her buddy.
MBA was over for me and a job offer from Harvard was an opportunity to forget everything.
" You are coming on my marriage. I don't know," argued Kamakshi.
" Kamakshi, my presence doesn't matter. Am I the bridegroom?" I said jokingly
" No , you are my guide. Won't you guide me if I go wrong."
" If you only give me a chance."

These were the last words ever spoken between us.
For next ten years, I worked to forget everything ( Kamakshi)
I imagined that Kamakshi must be leading a very happy wedding life.
But I never imagined that Kamakshi was suffering.....and will suffer so long.....

Kamakshi and Prafful's marriage was an occassion for great celebration. Everything went fine for two years of marriage. Kamakshi had a good job as Finance advisor and Prafful gave her all love.
After two years of marriage, relatives being relatives started asking Kamakshi, “When are you giving the good news?"

Kamakshi and Prafful too desired a baby. But it looked that god was not with them.
Kamakshi's frail body didn't have strength to bear the pain of child birth. But Kamkshi's desire for a baby grew with each passing day. Prafful was so busy with his work that he never found time to share Kamakshi's sorrow.
" Prafful, a child..."
" Don't start it again, Kamakshi. Didn't you hear the doctor."
Kamakshi was heart broken. My dear Kamakashi wrote several emails to me with the subject ' GUIDE ME' But love was overpowered by pride and I never opened the emails.

With each passing day, she desired someone on whom she could shower her motherhood. One day, she said to Prafful, " Prafful, can't we adopt a child?"
" Are you out of your mind, Kamakshi? Without knowing of the blood, bring someone just like that in family!"
" But Prafful, a child..."
" Kamakshi, please for god sake spare me. It isn’t my fault that you can’t have a baby!”
“ You! I thought its ‘We’ who can’t have a baby,” said Kamakshi with voice choked with tears.
“ Please Kamakshi, I didn’t mean to say that but …”
“ I understand Prafful,” Kamakshi managed to utter, between her tears.
Prafful took her in his arms and said, “ Kamakshi, we will have a child!”
Kamakshi was surprised to hear this. She wipped her tears and looked at Prafful with expectant eyes, “So, Prafful, are we adopting….
“ Kamakshi, don’t start again! There can be other ways for getting a child!”
“ Other ways???”questioned Kamakshi.
“ Look Kamakshi, I want my blood in veins of my child.”
“ I too want that Prafful… But..”
“ Kamakshi, why don’t you understand. Look, let me tell you straight that Mom and Dad are looking for another match for me.”
"Prafful!"
" Kamakshi, nothing will change. You will get a baby!And we all can live happily.It’s just a small deal! "
It must have been a small deal for Prafful but for Kamakshi, the world had turned upside down.
That day, Prafful left for the office as if nothing has happened.
That day, Kamakshi too left the home but not for office. She just walked down the crowded streets, lifeless.
At the roadside, vendors were sitting, selling petty things. But there was something, which caught Kamakshi’s eyes, there was a toy vendor sitting at the end of the road. On a white sheet, a large collection of toys was spread out. There was a large teddy bear, a small tub filled with water in which an electric boat was sailing. But what attracted Kamakshi’s eyes was a pretty stuffed doll.
Then for a second , a vision appeared in front of her eyes. She saw herself walking in a mountain valley, and a little girl is holding her hand. Suddenly, the little girl left her hands and ran towards the little blossoming valley of flowers , which she spotted at a distance.
Kamakshi was heart broken to see the girl running away from her.
She cried, “ Wait ! I am coming with you.”
Just then, the vision disappeared and Kamakshi found herself looking at the pretty doll.
The next instant, she picked up the doll.
The vendor said, “ Its just for hundres rupees.”
Kamakshi was lost in her own world, she hugged the doll tightly in her arms and murmured, “ You are mine! I will never leave you!”
Seeing, this strange behaviour , the vendor grew suspicious. He cried, “ Madam, pay me the money and take that doll!”
Without paying heed to his words, Kamakshi started walking away. The vendor tried to stop her, “ Madam, wait! Pay me the money.”
But Kamakshi made her way down the raod, with vendor following close behind.
Kamakshi ran as fast as she could, murmuring under her breath, “ You are mine!”Soon, she reached the end of the road, but vendor had not given up his pursuit.
Mindless, Kamakshi ran across the road. The Vendor cried,”Madam, Stop! Look…”
But it was too late….hit by the truck, Kamakshi was lying unconscious on the busy road.

" Mukul, come back, Kamakshi...," said Bhabhi on the phone.
"Bhabhi, I don't want to hear about her,"
" Mukul, she is fighting betwen life and death and murmuring 'my guide'"
There was not a moment to lose, I just wished to be Kamakshi's side . It was too late; by the time I reached by Kamkshi's side.
The accident had affected her brain nerves. In Prafful’s words,” She had turned mad and was only fit for the mental asylum.”
He had performed his duty efficently and left her in Mental Hospital, for the doctors to take care .
Poor Kamakshi’s memories were lost . She looked at me with blank eyes, in which all emotions had died.
She was a living epitome of Death.
I just had my love to give her but she was far away from away from my reach. I promised to myself that I will guide her.
With this hope, I visit her daily and try to make my Kamakshi alive in her.


Nihasha
Copyright 2008